Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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