Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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