Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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