I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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