it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
