I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
