There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
