Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
