I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish life had little blips of pornography
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
