you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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