Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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