on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Someone came in the potted fern
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
