i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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