4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
