Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
