Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
