I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize