I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
