take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
