why didn't you poke me back
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
