Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
