I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
