It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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