Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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