Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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