Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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