You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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