he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
