I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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