he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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