dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
