Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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