Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
