I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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