I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
