for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
