Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
