guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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