On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
