i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
