Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
