I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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