I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
