The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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