i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
