Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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