Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
