A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
