got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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