the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
