mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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