It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
