No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
