You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
