as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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