um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A+ Viking dick
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