i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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