ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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