i think my tv is drunk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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