I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
