I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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