At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
