I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
