come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
