The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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