Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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