Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
