my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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